Read about what others are saying about Kiwi Jeff (without the boring bits)

*Be warned sometimes they talk about Survivor New Zealand instead of KiwiJeff

Week 14

Episode 14 Recap – The Hero We Need, But Don’t Deserve

Survivor NZ, week 14: Swan towels were the winner on the day

Survivor NZ recap: Emotions run high, as shock twist decides the final three

Survivor NZ: A castaway falls on her sword - and it's not pretty

It is just random every time and Matt Chisholm doesn’t even announce them in the right order.
Worst of all, old mate Matt wouldn’t even help Dave out to remove the sting.
With just Dave and Tess left, Matt asked Tara and Lisa who they wanted to win, and Tara’s response was perfectly on brand for her, stating pretty bluntly that she wanted Dave, not Tess to win.
At tribal, Matt asks everyone a bit about how they decide who to vote for with so few people left. Tess is thinking about who she has the best chance against at the final tribal, while Tara still hasn’t grasped the nature of numbers. Matt asked about Tara’s comment at the challenge, that Tess and Dave both deserved to be in the final three. “Does that mean you think either you or Lisa should go home?”
Chisholm-ism of the week
“Another ripper challenge”
Host Matt Chisholm points out the fact there is one more tribal council to go
A whole 90 seconds later, paradise is nothing but a distant memory, and Matt's summoned the castaways for the immunity challenge, where this week, we're playing hangman, baby!
"That was actually epic", Matt bellows like the narrator of a kids' action film.

Week 13

Episode 13 Recap – The End Is In Sight

Survivor NZ, week 13: Adam packs up all his faces

Survivor NZ recap: A new powerhouse emerges from the shadows as end game arrives

Survivor NZ recap: If you're going out, go out with a bang

He tells Matt Chisholm that his choice pushed him to the brink of quitting but he’ll carry on staying true to himself. Dave breaks down at tribal when Matt Chisholm asks him about his mental state. Maybe the wellness afternoon helped Tess find her inner balance; she never looked like losing this one and sure enough, she earned the immunity necklace and the perhaps even more coveted prize of a pat on the back from Matt Chisholm.

Week 12

Episode 12 Recap – A Monday Well Spent

Survivor NZ, week twelve: One checkout, one blindside

Survivor NZ recap: A relationship in ruins leads to a shock move that blows the game wide open

Survivor NZ recap: game flips as strongest player voted out

Matt Chisholm called Lisa’s sandwich a tucker. I’m lost here, folks.
It was becoming a great gag though, where Chisholm would make fun of Dave for coming in second all the time, and I was really hoping to continue that trend, but good for Dave securing him a spot in the final four due to his hidden immunity idol.
Chisholm asked several questions that went unanswered. That is just unacceptable
And Chisholm has to at least direct them at someone if no one is going to participate.
That would have been neat, and it has been very tough on me, as someone who writes about Survivor, to mention the great Chisholm without referring to him as Matt.
This is not Matt Chisholm’s Best Friend Race
There was a sad moment in Tribal this week, when Tess had absolutely given up, and when asked by Chissy if she wanted to make her case, she just kind of joked that they shouldn’t vote for her.
Chisholm-ism of the week
“How keen are ya to wrap your laughing gear around that lot?”.

Week 11

Episode 11 Recap – Follow The Leader

Survivor NZ, week 11: A chocolate feast you can’t turn your back on

Survivor NZ recap: 'You're an idiot' - A grudge continues, and a hidden immunity idol shakes up the game

They’re playing for chocolate and Matt Chisholm even gives them a wee taster.
At tribal, Chisholm uses the word bling. He’s still hip.
Chisholm gives Eve the opportunity to plead her case.
Chisholm thinks you can still call people out without naming and shaming them… I’d like him to explain how that’s possible to me.
This week’s reward challenge is a chocolate feast, and before the challenge begins, Chissy gives everyone a little piece of chocolate brownie, to whet their appetites.
Chisholm-ism of the week
“Just to show you I’m good for it.” This was a weird thing to say, right? Has Matt got a track record for not delivering on reward promises? You’ve got me feeling suspicious, Chissy.
It's definitely worth winning, a chocolate feast on offer from host Matt Chisholm.

Week 10

Episode 10 Recap – Achille’s Heel

Survivor NZ recap, week 10: Adam remains the meme queen

Survivor NZ recap: The chickens get their time to shine

Survivor NZ recap: A fiery tribal council exposes a player's power as the end game nears

Matt Chisholm throws in the bonus of a big surprise from back home
Adam is absolutely beside himself when Matt announces the reward, even getting a little emotional.
Chisholm-ism of the week
“We can all be anything we wanna be when we grow up” – inspirational words from Matt this week.
The castaways have had the chickens for over a week and despite host Matt Chisholm's promise that they'd be kept supplied with fresh eggs, at the start of Sunday night's episode the chickens had still not delivered

Week 9

Episode 9 Recap – Big Game Hunting

Survivor NZ recap: A huge blindside changes the game and Dave sports a new look!

Survivor week nine: Alliances break, dreads form

Survivor NZ: Thailand — “The Wild Wild John West”

Matt Chisholm even tells us it has omega 3 up the wazoo.
He might have had the same idea I did that Chisholm would let him share the reward with more than one person.
Chisholm drops plenty of hints that there might be a blindside.
"I get it" host Matt Chisholm tells him, but he may be humouring Dave who might have lost the plot from lack of food and sleep.
Chisholm seems to disagree with me at individual immunity which is an endurance challenge that sees the Survivors holding pots up with outstretched arms.
Tara and Matt Chisholm somehow go off on a tangent about what she would do to a kangaroo if it jumped out in front of her.
Matt Chisholm is shook.
Arun is sitting so awkwardly close to Matt and the remaining castaways, which makes it even more awkward that he isn’t allowed to talk during tribal.
Chisholm-ism of the week
“Omega-3 up the wazoo!” – Chissy heralding the nutritional benefits of filling ya boots with tuna.
Nine are left; how many slices of pepperoni pizza will Chisholm eat tonight?
CHISHOLM: Dave Marley!
CHISHOLM: Another fascinating challenge today.
CHISHOLM: Only one.
CHISHOLM: I’ll let you choose another.
CHISHOLM: Pick one more.
Dave tells Chisholm that he is fighting for his life in this challenge.
CHISHOLM: You could argue all of you are fighting for your life tonight. . .anything could happen at Tribal Council tonight.
CHISHOLM: The bugs are already starting to annoy Adam.
Chisholm comments everyone is sweaty.
Chisholm is enforcing a rule change:
CHISHOLM: In the past you’ve talked about a softly softly approach. You sticking with it?
CHISHOLM: What happens if the kangaroo jumps out, Tara? I can’t wait for that.
CHISHOLM: If anybody has a hidden immunity idol and would like to play it, now would be the time to do so?
CHISHOLM: Tess just asked ‘what happened?’ I think a few of you have the same question.

Week 8

Episode 8 Recap – Expect The Expected

Survivor NZ recap: Tribes united but players divided, as the merge tests loyalties

Survivor NZ recap, week 8: The manbun alliance

Survivor NZ: Thailand — “Don’t Stuff Yourself”

Matt Chisholm informs everyone of JT’s medi-quit (the term that is being used), and which everyone already knew about. He then throws in that the reward will remain covered until after the challenge is over.
Lastly, when Chisholm was giving his final ode to the tribe, he was holding the torch in his hand. Has he done this all season and I just haven’t noticed? Why not just leave it standing up? It certainly bothered me.
JT sends a message through host Matt Chisholm to let everyone know that he is on the mend now he has left the show.
But wait.. twist time! Chisholm reveals that everyone wins a new tribal buff as its merge time.
Chisholm reveals the new individual immunity necklace and it’s a bigun.
At tribal council Chisholm brings up the fact everyone in Phsan is now on the jury and will be the ones that decide who wins the $250,000.
He isn't too happy about the votes which Chisholm reads out either as he is sent packing and becomes the eighth person voted out of Survivor NZ.
During tribal, Tara tells Chissy that she was busy doing her rounds today, and having chats with everyone.
Chisholm-ism of the week
“Wanna know what you’re playing for? You’ll have to wait until after the challenge.” I’m starting to get real sick of your games, Chisholm. Just tell us the damn prize! “She’s a beauty” just won’t cut it for me anymore!
CHISHOLM: JT wants everyone to know he can finally poop, and that his health comes first
CHISHOLM: Wanna know what you’re playing for? You’re gonna have to wait until after the challenge. . .one thing I’ll say is it’s a beauty.
CHISHOLM: Adam doing nothing for Chani!
CHISHOLM: Do you want to know??? Chisholm pulls back the cover and it goes to commercial. Great.
CHISHOLM: You’re all winners today!
CHISHOLM: Your tribe name is Phsan–it means ‘to merge’ in Thai.
CHISHOLM: Did anybody promise people back home that they’d make it to the merge?
CHISHOLM: What would Jade make of Matt right now?
Chisholm asks Adam about the feast. After a lengthy chat about nothing, Chisholm takes back the tribal idol.
CHISHOLM: Tribal immunity is no longer on the table.
For today’s challenge, it is one of Chisholm’s favourites.
CHISHOLM: Give you a minute to get sorted then we’ll crack into it.
Matt does the most cringeworthy dance after Chisholm puts the talisman on his neck.
Chisholm confirms jury and the dreaded Final Three.
Chisholm sits in his chair an extra few seconds before collecting the votes.
CHISHOLM: Arun didn’t take the opportunity to make a final plea. I bet he wishes he had now.

Week 7

Episode 7 Recap – Whacking Day

Survivor NZ recap: 'That's just crap mate'

Survivor NZ, Week 7: Farewell to two of the biggest characters of the season

Survivor NZ: Thailand — “Get a Whee Whiff of Another Blindside!”

Matt Chisholm might give it away, but in the moment you should be thinking of protecting that piece of information
Having said all that Chisholm goes on to explain the rules of the extra vote in front of Dave
Have someone give Lisa the terms and conditions off screen then have her give a confessional explaining it all, have all the rules written in the parchment she receives, anything is better than Chisholm stripping her advantage of any power it had
Chani know about Lisa’s extra vote (thanks Chisholm) so are contemplating throwing the challenge again to make sure she has to use the vampire vote before the merge and also to knock out Matt
Chisholm appears at the Khangkhaw camp
My worst fears are confirmed when Chisholm asks JT how he’s doing
The Chani tribe enter tribal council and do their chit chat with Chisholm
Chisholm stands holding the urn after they had all voted. I kept waiting for him to pull the rug out from all of us and say “no elimination today guys, back to camp.” I kept waiting optimistically for something that was never going come. At that moment I was James from Palau. Instead, Chisholm reads the votes, and of course, it’s Dylan
"That's just crap mate, I don't want to drag a woman threw the mud," Arun says to Matt Chisholm.
This has come as a huge shock to the tribe and Eve and Tara break down in tears as JT gets on a boat and heads off to civilization with Chisholm.
Chisholm asks if anyone thinks they're on the wrong side of the numbers and Matt is the only one who puts his hand up and says he is shaking in his "space boots" tonight.
Technically it works if you solve it sequentially, but you can hardly call that “primary school maths”, Matt.
Matt asks something like “Are you feeling confident tonight?” and someone replies with “you can never feel too safe at tribal” and then Matt says something like “is there a plan going into the vote” and someone will say “we’ll just have to wait and see”.
Chisholm-ism of the week
Definitely worth a nudge” was the deeply confusing way Matt described the mystery prize of this week’s outpost challenge.
Chisholm asks for Brad’s reaction.
CHISHOLM: I think some people were outwitted and outplayed last night.Way to diss the minority, Chisholm.
CHISHOLM: My favourite reward yet? CHISHOLM: No one is standing down in this challenge. CHISHOLM: These guys are willing to put a dude on the pole.
Chisholm asks Dave why they came to that conclusion.
Chisholm asks what the chicken’s names are.
CHISHOLM: The reward is in the letters and is definitely worth a nudge.
CHISHOLM: Just waiting for the penny to drop.
Chisholm says this is the official halfway point of this game.
Chisholm repeats it is really hot outside today.
CHISHOLM: Chani off to a flyer!
Chisholm notes she looks like she is battling a migraine.
CHISHOLM: Doing some primary school math.
CHISHOLM: Lisa, you okay?
Eve shouts for Chisholm.
Chisholm is on the boat.
CHISHOLM: You sure you wanna do this?
Chisholm brings up Renee’s first vote against her.
CHISHOLM: Does anyone feel like they are on the wrong side of the numbers in this tribe?
Chisholm says the blilndsides keep coming. Indeed they do.
I was somewhat surprised Chisholm never informed Chani about JT’s decision to quit the game.

Week 6

Survivor New Zealand S2: Episode 6 Recap

Survivor NZ recap: A big move sees the balance of power shift and Josh makes an emotional revelation

Survivor NZ Week 6: A feud takes hold of the island

Survivor NZ: Thailand — “This Game Has Pizzazz”

Episode 6 Recap – Trust Fall

Sexy Matt Time
I don’t know about anyone else, but I am loving Matt Chisholm’s enthusiasm and hosting skills this season. Not that he was horrible last year (not at all), but you can definitely see the improvement there. Sure, he dresses like a Jeff Probst minion, but he’s really come into his own with his own quotes like “in the drink” and pretty much calling castaways idiots at tribal. Hahaha. Classic #kiwijeff.
My God, you could have easily picked those pieces up when Matt wasn’t looking.
The preview for next episode shows Matt (#kiwijeff), call Tara to a boat, and I wonder if it’s a Terry Dietz type of situation where there’s a problem at home and she’s pulled from the game
Host Matt Chisholm reveals his favourite pizza is pepperoni, take note of this for the obligatory Survivor NZ quiz at the end of the series, or if you ever have him over for dinner.
Chisholm is reminding them about the Pizza Hut on offer, I think he might be more excited about it than the Survivors.
I hope they invite Chisholm along to join them
Matt Chisholm knows some Chani tribe members threw the immunity trial and tries to wheedle it out of them at tribal council. He is omnipresent.
Time to vote, after a cagey tribal that ends in silence as Chisholm probes for some intel on which way the vote will go.
Adam didn’t have time to discredit Dylan’s challenge performance this week, as he was busy chasing down Matt for his prize.
Chissy dove straight in with the leading questions this week, basically asking the tribe if they thought the challenge was thrown. Still, the tribe members are keeping their cards close to their chests, and poor Matt just can’t get anyone to share any juicy goss with him.
Chisholm-ism of the week
“Woooo, that was epic!” – Matt lying to viewers after possibly the most boring challenge ever at The Outpost.
Arun tells Chisholm that JT and Eve are in trouble
Hawaiian, Meat Lovers, Cheese Lovers, and Chisholm’s personal favourite pepperoni.
CHISHOLM: A wee whiff of this! Chisholm is in full on Kiwi Mode.
CHISHOLM: Just a reminder you’re playing for Pizza Hut pizza!
CHISHOLM: Pizza Hut up for grabs! Do not give up!
Adam hugs Chisholm before his own tribe.
CHISHOLM: I think these will be the best tasting pizzas you’ve ever had.
Chisholm will name his dog Pepperoni as well.
Chisholm will show them a series of colours then they have to repeat it back to him one at a time.
CHISHOLM: The reward is a doozy; you get to ransack two items from the opposition’s camp.
CHISHOLM: You think you’re right?
CHISHOLM: You’re right. . .about that. Ah, Trolling Chisholm.
CHISHOLM: Does anybody want to say to Khangkhaw how good that pizza was?
CHISHOLM: Once again immunity is back. . .on . . .the table.
CHISHOLM: Do you really think the whole tribe gave it 100 percent today?
Chisholm knows who threw it but everybody is holding their cards close.
Chisholm wants somebody to plead for their case with 250k up for grabs.
CHISHOLM: All I hear is silence. . .all I hear is a massive blindside. Nobody has anything else to say? Amazing.
Matt and Dylan both close their eyes in unison when Chisholm asks for any hidden immunity idols. I don’t know why.
Josh silently brings his torch to Chisholm
Chisholm may have to change the rules to “Winning tribe goes to TC” or both tribes will be keen to throw it.
At tribal, Kiwi Jeff (Matt Chisholm) pulled a move I was very unhappy with. He basically insinuated the challenge had been thrown by asking if everyone actually gave 100% and did this benefit some more than others. I don’t think it is his place to point out a thrown challenge, even if inadvertently. The other item of note is that Matt noted anytime there is silence, it means that there is a blindside about to happen

Week 5

Survivor NZ recap: 'Medic!' A Survivor hits the dirt and a tribe shakeup sees a bromance blossom

Survivor NZ recap, week 5: Two men reunite, one man goes home

Survivor NZ recap: Tribe swap forces some contestants to make desperate gamble

Ticks and talks

After her dramatic fall the medics rush in and host Matt Chisholm wisely decides to move onto stage two of the challenge to avoid any kind of blow back from Worksafe back in NZ.
However, a welcome twist for Eve sees Matt Chisholm call her to a secret meeting to reunite her with the idol as it's "her property".
The puzzle is the great equaliser though and it's Dylan going head to head with JT. "This challenge is anyone's!" Chisholm shouts.
After Chisholm returned Eve's idol to her the former Chani members get together and try and come up with a way to save each other by playing it to save one of their own at tribal and get rid of Brad.
Psych! It’s old mate Matt, who has a special delivery: Eve’s estranged idol.
There is a dramatic moment as Matt reads the last vote, when a crescendo in the music hints that maybe one of the Khang Khaw had flipped
Chisholm-ism of the week
“These puzzle pieces are both-sided.” Maybe they are also held together with both-sided tape.
But the show's producers risked jeopardising all that when Matt Chisholm to told the assembled contestants to drop their coloured buffs, and select new tribes randomly.
Except at the next morning's immunity challenge, Chisholm told contestants to take off their buffs and come crack a black egg on themselves
Matt Chisholm plays Easter Bunny, presenting contestants with special paint-filled eggs that decided their new tribes.
Funnily enough she'd actually left it behind at the old Chani camp (surely she's the worst idol-owner in the show's history?), but staunch ally Dave had secretly retrieved it and slipped it to Matt Chisholm, who passed it on to Eve.
Still, the swap was fun, another mid-challenge medical visit was less fun (thankfully, still no medevac), a post-swap Matt chat that returned a forgotten idol was new and different, an immunity challenge that appeared to be a massive physical mismatch turned to be exactly that, and a failed idol play with the newly returned idol finished things off
Calling Eve away for a "medical check" that turned out to actually be Matt Chisholm, sneakily returning Eve's idol to her, was a fun moment

Week 4

Survivor NZ recap, week 4: Who does the Infinity War fade away?

Episode 4 Recap – A Bad Egg

Survivor New Zealand: Thailand Episode 4 recap

Survivor NZ: finally, the humdinger episode we've been waiting for

Folding the wildcards

Chisholm-ism of the week
Matt has been steering this Survivor ship with such a calm and casual charisma, and I think nothing sums that up better than the way he refers to the immunity idol as “old mate”.
I bring this up because even Survivor New Zealand is not safe from this kind of manipulation. Matt Chisholm falls into the same trap and calls Franky’s vote out a blindside.
Chisholm lets the pair discuss it which is kind of odd.
Once they’ve chosen, Chisholm lets them know that person is unable to participate in the challenge, is immune from the vote and also that they are unable to cast a vote at Tribal
Annoyingly Chisholm says “in the drink” a thousand times and there isn’t even water.
At Khangkaw’s first tribal council Chisholm asks questions and Dylan decides to offer real answers
These two are picked by their tribes to visit the Outpost, where they're presented with what host Matt Chisholm calls "a dilemma".
They head to tribal council with Dylan looking almost certain for the chop, and his tribe mates Adam and, surprisingly, Lisa, really lay into him during the Q and A with Matt.

Week 3

Survivor New Zealand S2: Episode 3 Recap

Episode 3 Recap – Eve and the Forbidden Fruit

The Outpost vs. Ghost Island

Survivor New Zealand: Thailand. Episode 3 Recap

Survivor NZ recap: 'It's just bulls**t' - Trust is lost and battle lines are drawn as personalities come into play

Ahh, the classic totem knocking challenge, and I loved the Cobra design too! Straight off the block Sexy Matt is trying to sweep me off my feet… oh, if you say so Matt 😉
Sexy Matty tells the girls they’re allowed to have a gossip fest if they wish…
They just can’t catch a break. It’s off to therapy with #KiwiJeff again!
#KiwiJeff is laying it all out tonight
At Tribal, everyone gives their familiar, non-controversial answers about how no one is safe, they are all family, and there is no leader or alliances (which is the most unbelievable thing ever you expect our Old Mate Chisolm to fall for) In contrast, the highlight of the Outpost has been the negotiations, interrogations, and general banter between the two visitors (spurred on by the additional presence of Matt Chisholm).

Week 2

Survivor New Zealand S2: Episode 2 Recap

Survivor NZ recap, week 2: Some melons, a cheeky bum and a tight five

Episode 2 Recap Knowledge Is Power

Sexy Matt introduces JT and Tess to The Outpost, where there will be different temptations and moral dilemmas every few days, too exciting!
KhangKhaw win their second immunity, and Lisa gets to live her geeky Survivor dream to grab the Immunity Idol from Matt
Viewers got an extra special treat during the first reward challenge as Matt climbed out of the drink to reveal a little bit of skin as Matt Chisholm modestly put it
Chisholm-ism of the week
I'll be like swimming in a hot bath. How big is the bath in your house that you can swim in it, Mr. Moneybags?
Host Matt Chisholm calls over the medical team and spends a minute checking up on Kaysha. When he given a thumbs up that she's okay he gets back to challenge mode giving play-by-play of the goings-on. I don't expect Chisholm to nurse her back to health or anything; I just find it interesting how easily he flicked the switch from decent human being to reality TV host.

Week 1

Ramblings - Survivor New Zealand S2: Episode 1 Recap

Survivor NZ returns with literal bangs, bad rice, and mispelled names

Premiere Recap No One to Blame But Yoself

What a start to season 2. Of course, my excitement starts with my second favourite Survivor host of all time, sexy Matt Chisholm. But being a stickler for old-school Survivor, seeing the castaways be taken across a lake to meet Matt gave me chills!
And more importantly, Sexy Matt counting.
Classic 2-on-2 mud challenges and Matt looks overly excited about it all!
It's the girls turn and as Matt says, they're all in the drink
Liam still craps on about trusting everyone there and Matt calls bullshit
Matt Chisholm can count to 100 really fast. A truly astounding feat of numeracy. Low-key though, I wish he had pulled the old One, two, miss a few, ninety nine, a hundred trick.
Chisholm-ism of the week
Everyone is back in the drink now! Every time someone entered the water, Matt announced that they were in the drink. The lake is a drink. I think even the mud is a drink. I think I need a drink.
Finally, we get the picturesque view of Matt Chisholm in the middle of a lake on a grassy pontoon and the season is underway
And lastly, that Matt Chisholm reads these recaps